The best boundaries are boundaries that aren’t defensive or offensive; they just exist.
From “NLP-The Essential Guide”
I love open kitchens; the ones with open shelving, glass, and light colors. There’s something so inviting about their simplicity and openness. No mess, no confusion, no wondering where stuff is; it’s all out there in the open. You know where you stand.
I think boundaries are a lot like that.
Boundaries provide definition, clarity, and security, yet all too often they are a source of stress, inner-turmoil, self-doubt and conflict. But, maybe we can start taking the drama out of boundary-setting.
First of all, when possible, we should clear our lives of any kind of toxicity—animal, mineral, vegetable, etc. But, despite our best efforts to live clean and pure lives, we are exposed to toxins; maybe it’s polluted air or hormones in the milk or maybe a nasty boss or maybe—perhaps the most challenging—a family member.
When dealing with toxic people we first have to accept that we cannot change another person. Let me repeat myself—we cannot change another person. And very often—not only will the person not change, he or she won’t even think there is a problem! So, all we can do is just let go and let them be.
But, and here is the empowering part, you decide the parameters of the relationship. Your first priority is inner harmony, not family-harmony or office-harmony. The best thing you can do for the world—really—is take care of yourself, and only you can decide what that means. Weigh the options, make a decision and honor your decision.
Just visualize the open kitchen—the light streaming through the translucent window, the clean counters, the wildflowers in the terracotta vase. No one is going to come in your kitchen and tell you how to arrange your dishes; likewise, no one is going to come in your life and set your boundaries. Keep it simple. Keep it clean. Let them be.