Self-Abandonment

I have been thinking a lot about abandonment. Ways that we have been abandoned by parents or friends or loved ones. Ways that we have been let down by life. And how we internalize these wounds.

We make it about us.

Especially when it comes to the old primal wounds of feeling unloved or uncared for. If only…I am sure we could all fill something in there.

And then we go out into the world trying to prove our worth—to loved ones, friends, colleagues, sometimes even to God.

However one is abandoned, because I think we’ve all probably been abandoned in some way even by the best of parents, the worst kind of abandonment happens when we have so internalized being abandoned by others, that we abandon ourselves. And we unconsciously allow our self-worth to be decided by others or by our looks or by the number of zeros in our bank account or how many degrees we have.

And we teeter on this precarious tight rope.

But we don’t have to.

It’s hard. So hard. Some of the hardest work that is asked of us. I know, it’s corny and definitely not my favorite song, but Whitney Houston was so right when she sang The greatest love of all is happening to me…

We work on every other relationship but the one we have with ourselves. Maybe a good resolution for this year is to start working on our relationships with ourselves, to fall in love with ourselves.

I need actionable steps; that is just the way my mind works. I don’t think any ten-step blah blah blah will cure anything, but it helps to have a plan. So, here are my actionable tips for reversing self-abandonment:

1.Write a positive character sketch of you—what is amazing about you?

2.Feel your feelings! Honor them and find places and people who will honor them with you.

3.Do things you love! Take a walk. Watch a tv show. Take yourself out to a movie. Learn how to play the guitar. Explore and honor unrealized dreams.

4.Be compassionate. Say goodbye to shame! Life is hard. Beautiful and wonderful but also very hard. And you are a badass survivor, so hey, give yourself a little loving compassion.

5.Set clear boundaries. Speak your mind and defend your beliefs.

You are here for a reason. Now treat yourself as the amazing person you are!