I recently read an article with the phrase fake it till you make it.
And it did not sit well with me. I get the rationale behind it; we don’t always feel grateful or overflowing with forgiveness or particularly grounded or clear about whatever the hell crisis has arrived on our doorstep that morning…
But I don’t know…the word fake just bugs me. It says pretend. Deny. Be happy for other people because they can’t handle your stuff.
But, full disclosure…I’m an expert faker. Partly because I have perfected the skill of putting on a happy face (why upset people with your sadness?) and partly because I don’t want to feel sad or afraid or lost. I want a plan. One I can execute with ten quick steps!
Just tell me…how many downward dogs will it take to feel okay?! (I do realize how ridiculous that sounds.)
But maybe the lost-ness is where we need to start. A friend recently shared this Wendell Berry quote: It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.
There’s no ten-step process in that; there is only being. And asking, what am I feeling? What has it come here to say?
I don’t like not knowing, but fake knowing feels so much worse than just admitting that I don’t know. And the not knowing can lead to curiosity, investigation, venturing into areas I had shut off…
But one thing I do know (and I don’t know how I know but I know) is that we are all here for a reason, and that reason is love.
Two simple questions I leave you with…
How can you best love yourself today?
How can you best love others today?
In a totally non-fake way…
Tara Zafft, Ph.D. 