The word synchronicity keeps appearing. In dreams. Conversations. In synchronicity itself, things just happening.
I did a personality test this morning and apparently I resist facing difficult emotions. And I loathe criticism. What? Me? Little ol’ diplomatic get along with everyone me?
Or so I thought…till an hour later, when out on my morning San Diego dessert-like walk I had a conversation with an unnamed family member who challenged me in a way that touched a nerve. That made me feel, I don’t know, bad. Wrong. So I exploded. Right there in Southern California suburbia. But we talked it through, this wonderful unnamed family member and I. And were resolved by the end of the conversation.
But I wasn’t resolved, with myself. I felt bad about exploding. About not expressing my point of view clearly. About digging up the old stories of defenseless victim needing a hero. And I just stewed in this bad-ness, walking in silence. Till the noise of my brain was too much and I flipped on a podcast, randomly…about what? Resilience.
A word I usually loathe. A word that coldly communicates, suck it up buttercup.
But Danielle LaPorte sees it a different way. She says, dance with what is emerging. She says, Want to be more resilient? Want to get unstuck? Love more.
And just at that moment, something catches my eye. I have no idea what it is. Looks cactus-like. But pink? Pretty, but rough on the outside. And then I start laughing, right there on the burning-hot sidewalk.
And I think—synchronicity. The personality test saying I resist difficult emotions, that I resist criticism. The conversation and the old story of victim needing a hero. The pink cactus-thing. And the podcast encouraging me to dance with what is emerging. To get unstuck by loving more.
What was emerging was an opportunity to let go of the story. To stop thinking of my emotions as prickly untouchable cactus-like things. To see their beauty. Their gifts. To not be so afraid of my fear. To be my own hero.
Hmmm…all of this in one morning. Wonder what tomorrow morning’s walk will bring…